The Letter

As I was rummaging in my old files that was neglected for a couple of years and buried in to cobwebs, I found a sorta-blue colored paper that was folded in a secure way that I could never have done. Attached to it is a small note that was folded in the same way as the first, making sure that it won’t fall on the wrong hands as if it hid a secret message. On the cover of that small piece of parchment embed the name, Vivi in a familiar hand-writing that only I (or any of my friends or classmates would know since this person is renowned for being intelligent, soft-spoken, and highly intelligent. Did I say intelligent twice?). The mention of her name will make you feel a surge of nostalgic happy memories because to me, that’s who she is. Intrigued of who might this person be? You have to read through the end to know who this lady is. Wouldn’t that be more exciting?!

Let me start about the letter she gave me five years ago. Better yet, let’s start to why she gave me that letter. I was in my sophomore year taking up nursing in a reputable school in Davao City. Fresh from a heartbreak that I thought was impossible to forget. I had my fair share of heart breaks and that could be one of the worse blow in the history of my passionate encounters of love, since then I vowed to disown men and hate them for their existence. During this moment of grief, I’m grateful to God for the gift of friends since they’re the only one that I could talk too and vent out my feelings. I was worried that they would be complacent but they never did. Instead, they listened to my continuous anguish until I could no more cry. Let’s cut to the chase and fast forward to the day that this mysterious lady gave me this letter. In her note, she told me that this letter made her realize a lot of things about love. I quote, “Being the fairy tale believer that I am, I know that I too will have my very own happy ending… soon. I hope that you would find inspiration in this letter. Stand up strong because there is also someone out there waiting for you.” Those are her exact words. I read it over and over again so many times that it made me smile whenever I feel lonely, loveless, and alone.

Letter to the one GOD has prepared for Me

“I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh, how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions. Sometimes, I ask myself if I have ever really known love. I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person… and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is! You just don’t know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don’t really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me – the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect – for YOU! I wonder if you’ve gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you’ve been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don’t ever give up because I am right here… patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love. At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love. And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile to all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life – and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you! In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heard that we will find each other no matter what happen. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.”

Five Years Later…

You might wonder if I found true love and eternal happiness after reading the letter, sadly… No, however, my hope of finding the man who can “sweep me off my feet” exist triumphantly, shining radiantly amidst the darkness that looms in the back of my head that I might end up as an old-maid someday. Took a couple of heartaches, gloomy nights, impulsive urge to consume sugary treats, too many romantic novels and movies before I was able to find the man who made me feel complete, who loves me more than I love him, who sees me in his future as a wife and a mother to our (future) kids, who’s ready to protect me from people who makes me cry, and say comforting words to me when I’m at my lowest. His ways are overwhelming and made me realize that he’s MORE than what I want. And for that, I realize that God really works in mysterious ways. He listens to your prayers and gives you MORE than what you ask for. All He asks is for you to be patient.

The Mystery Girl

So, I guess you guys are curious who gave this letter to me huh? Well, let me tell you that she’s one of my closest friends and I see her as my sister (since I don’t have one). She’s none other than (drum roll please!) Janine (told you, she’s intelligent).

I want to include a note of thanks here but I guess I’ll make that in another post — when the right time comes. All I can say is I’m damn lucky to have friends like Janine (that goes for Vera, Hazel, Rosalyn, and Eloiza, too!). Thank you girls!

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Online Dating | Date at Your Own Risk

Right now, at this very moment, thousands or millions of people are going out on a date. It can be their first (which, in my opinion, the most vital and cru

cial stage in the dating phase) or second date (lucky if you get a third one).

All over the world, people are getting to know each other; envisioning the person right in front of them as their ‘lifetime’ partner, and (some… well, most people) thinking of how good he/she performs in bed. They can be out on a yacht drinking bubbly champagne

enjoying the cool breeze and scent of fresh saltwater (for the rich), dining in a fancy restaurant savoring the delicious lobster perhaps (for middle class individuals), or a meet-up in Starbucks (which I think is the most convenient place since you barely even know your date, and just to make sure you have a quick escape route in case he turns into a psychopath). Oh yes, that’s what grown-ups and responsible people do nowadays.

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the sense of Belonging or love is the third most important need of a human being. Second is sense of Security such as employment, resources, health, morality, family, etc., and the first and most fundamental need is Physiological, that includes breathing, food, water, sleep, excretion and sex (Yes, Bishop! In case you didn’t know, Sex is one of the fundamental needs of a human being. So, why not cut to the chase and let RH Bill push through, okay?). However, if an individual is unable to attain any of these needs, with the exception of Physiological need (Oops! Sorry, Bishop. My bad! I took it too literally), he will feel anxious and tense, unwanted, ineffective, and useless. Human beings, no matter how unique and genuine we are, the feeling of being accepted and loved is a wondrous sentiment that no mortal can buy. That’s why dating came into existence since… nobody knows when.

Yes! Dating is absolutely fun: Flattery there, infatuation here, those giddy emotions that you felt when your all-time-crush ask you out for a movie date and hoping that you end up making out at the back of his car OR the things that I said a while ago turns into a total disaster! Oh yes, absolutely fun. But what if you’re a business tycoon like Mark Zuckerberg who understands ‘mingle’ as meeting with other business tycoon to seal the deal on a new social network that would allow humans to ‘socialize’ with aliens (good for him he has a girlfriend). Dating would not be entirely possible especially if you’re the type of person who’s aloof and demophobic OR you’re just another Mark Zuckerberg who can’t be bothered by dating because your irrevocable schedule won’t allow you to ‘have a life’. If you’re in this sort of situation, dating could be really difficult but with the aid of high-tech innovation and state of the art communication gadgets, dating could be easy as sending an e-mail, a ‘POKE’ on Facebook, a Tweet of 140 characters, or a smiley on your messenger and just click ‘Send’. All you need to do is to sound cool and confident when conversing with that person and you’ll get a date online in no time. Just be careful though cause stuff like these has its pros and cons.

Online Mishaps

According to OnlinePersonalStats.com, 40 million Americans use online dating services and 44% of adult American population is single. So, your chances of having a virtual girlfriend/boyfriend are high. What about in Asian country like in Philippines where tradition and culture is still practiced and is given utmost importance? I dare say some of our Romeo’s and Juliet’s out there are giving 21st Century a chance to prove its worth in helping them find TRUE love. For those of you who haven’t tried online dating always remember to THINK before you ACT!

Think of the possibilities that not all people you talk to online are legit. Some of them are posers, scammers, rapists, thieves, lady-boys, and stalkers (scary!). Don’t give out any personal information about you such as your home address, telephone number, contact number, what time you’re getting on and off work/school, etc. Make the conversation more general like, “how’s the weather there?”, “what city are you from?”, “how old are you?” And if you think that he’s just too good to be true ask him to turn on his webcam and voice chat him. Con-artists usually make excuses, they’ll tell you that connection is not good, battery’s about to drain; they’ll use every trick in the book to get what they want.

When it’s time for you to meet him always Act accordingly and with caution. You can ask someone to come with you, NEVER leave the premises alone with the person you just met, and be time conscious—never stay out too late. Always remember: NO. 1 PRIORITY IS YOUR SAFETY! If you sense danger, by all means RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

You Have To Dig Deeper

In a world full of dishonest people it’s quite difficult to trust anyone. You want to isolate yourself because of this common notion that you can’t trust anybody but yourself.

By experience, I have met and dated a couple of people who not only used me but broke my heart as well. With that experience, I came to conclude that there are a lot of things that I need to learn in real life, like people will do anything to get what they want. But I guess you need to dig deeper before you find your treasure, aye?

 

Finding the love of my life wasn’t easy at all. Well, technically, he found me. I never thought we would end up soon-to-be-married when both of us are totally heart stricken by our previous relationships; him as a victim of a cheating girlfriend that lasted for three years or so, and me as a no-strings-attached girlfriend who [ex-boyfriend] prefers to be kept hidden until he’s ‘ready’. Both of us have “relationship issues” when we met, but as we talk everyday (oh, did I tell you guys that we met online?) we begin to feel comfortable and trust each other. Although, we only knew each other for a month before we started dating we felt like we’ve been friends for years! He knows things that my friends don’t know, and in return he tells me about his life no matter how devastating or comedic it was.

Everyone wants an ending full of vibrant colors. You just have to wait because everything will soon fall into place at the right moment. Whether its formal dating, arranged dating, or online dating your happiness is just around the corner if you’re willing to wait and take the risk.

 

The Right Man

Is he Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong?

As I was browsing on my Twitter, I came across this tweet which I like the most, “The right man will love all the things about you that the wrong man took for granted.” I retweeted it from @GirlDictionary.

This quote actually make sense why girls go through being broken hearted. Every time we find someone whom we thought is compatible with us, it automatically registers in our brain the probability of him being  “The One” whose willing to be with you for the rest of your lives, whose up for the task of fathering your future-children, who won’t cheat, and who would treat you as the most beautiful woman on the planet (chubby or not). Come on, don’t lie! Every one of us wants to have a happy ending. There’s no need to be ashamed of how many times you get dumped, rejected, used, and taken for granted. I’ve been through that path and yes, I agree. It’s not easy. Dealing with a broken heart is never easy. You end up being miserable, alone, you’re starting to ask why you’re life is crappy, worried that you might end up an old-maid, and scared of loving someone assuming that you might get heart broken again. That’s the sad reality of being human.

My Experience

To be honest, I really don’t have a good track-record when it comes to my love life (just ask my friends). I almost thought that I found my happy ending but I end up being scammed and use. At the age of 13, I start to go on dates and had a boyfriend in the process. I thought being in a relationship was fun; having a friend and an intimate companion at the same time. But I was in total shock when I finally got the taste of my first heartbreak. It was awful! I can’t stop crying when a sad love song starts to play, I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t focus on the things I need to do, my grades slumps down, and all you can think about are “happy” times with him. It took me a year to get over that wretched feeling.

Moving On

After a year of feeling depress and too much thinking, I finally decided to leave depression behind and face a new life! I have a friend who e-mailed me asking, “Ate (a name for an older sister), what did you do to move on?“. With a quick response, I told her, “That’s easy, just do the opposite of how you feel… HATE him!”. My aunt actually told me that and apparently, it worked! Just do the opposite of adoring him and start hating his guts! Stop thinking of those sweet memories and start thinking of bad things that he’s done to you. Example, every time you text him, he’ll respond after two or three hours and say, “I’m sorry. I was playing Dota (famous online game in Philippines), or the time he forgets to greet you on your anniversary, or every time he chooses to hang out with his friends and give less attention to you. Think of those instances and you’ll end up resenting him in no time!

But when the “Right Man” comes… 

It may take a lot of failed relationships for you to go through before Mr. Right

My Prince Charming

magically lands in your doorstep. You might meet him in a grocery store where you bumped into each other, he may be a common friend of a friend, a cousin of your friend, a friend of yours who secretly loves you for many years, or a sincere gentleman who you met online. You may ask, “how would I know if he’s The One?” Honestly, you won’t! You’ll just feel it; sparks and butterfly in your tummy may not be distinct but it’s going to be incredible. All the qualities that you want in a man, that you specifically ask for, will come true. Me? I ask God to give me a man who would make me laugh, who won’t hurt me physically or emotionally, and loves me for who I am. I’ve waited for 23 years for that man, and now he has finally found me. He may not look like Brad Pitt or Josh Hartnett, but he’s MY prince charming and I love him. See? You just have to be patient and don’t be in a hurry, believe in what you ask for, pray for it and God will answer. He’ll give you MORE what you ask for.

College Friends

During our Pinning Ceremony 2009

Five or six years ago, around June 13, my college life started. New school, new faces, new life. Away from my old friends in high school. I never imagine I could meet good friends in an environment where I feel so out-of-place. But everything changed when I met my first friends: Nike, Marce, and Joy.  I thought its gonna be a difficult transition, but it wasn’t like that. I was able to fit in by just being ME. I don’t have to change how I look, I don’t have to be super cool, and I don’t need to be filthy rich to earn and gain friends. I was just the simple, eccentric, crazy-in-a-funny-way ME.

College life isn’t easy especially if you’re taking up Nursing. Good thing is my friends prefer to do stuff together. For instance, We study as a pack, take our lunch together and just laugh our hearts out just to take the stress away. Nursing is difficult (so, if you’re the person who wants to take up nursing, better consult student nurses first before you decided), burns you alive (not literally!), nosebleed discussions (again, not literally!) and makes your life a living hell (this time, it’s literal!). But with friends around who shares you’re angst and frustrations then life can be easy (sort of).

Like all normal people, we do have some occasional arguments. I mean, come on, we’re not all happy-happy all the way. We have different opinions ergo the clash of ideas leading to misunderstanding and arguments.  But eventually, we we’re able to resolve the issue, make amends, and concede. And because of those differences we begin to understand each other and make our bond stronger.

I consider my friends as my family. I admit, I only have few friends but those few friends knows the real Vivian and that’s enough for me.

Boredom results to Blogging

According to Merriam-Webster.com, Boredom defines as the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest. That’s exactly what I’m feeling right now, thus the creation of my own blog! Ta-da!

Honestly, I never thought of creating my own blog-space where I can just blab about anything under the sun and no one would care (that is before you read the comment box and realize that there are indeed some people who gives crap about what you say). Maybe y’all think that this website might be useless and WordPress should just shut my site cause it’s just a piece of trash but I must tell you in advance… BE NICE! I’m a newbie for Christ’s sake! Give me more time to warm up and I assure you, something good will come out of this blog-site. Just wait and see.

Webcam Crazy

Taking photos with my new HP Netbook built-in webcam.